Sleep seems to elude me, the more I grow, the more a peaceful slumber evades me. LinkedIn courses have started to become lullabies to me, and even doing simple tasks seem to exhaust me. Brewing a pot of coffee no longer excites me, it just is a necessity to caffeinate so I don’t deteriorate into sleeping beauty. Even though my dreams are normally shadowed by nightmares, that would be better than lying awake half the night, my mind racing about every worry, thought, and idea. I sometimes wish that I had the power to simply turn my mind off instead of having it wander around like an incessant buzzing bee.
No matter how tired I am, my life has to go on, which means I try not to give into the ever tantalizing and enticing nap. Today I started the task of getting rid of clothes that no longer fit my kids and watching LinkedIn courses. I have to multi-task to help keep me engaged and alert. I can’t seem to sit still for too long anymore. I am fidgety and always coming up with new things that I have to do to be better prepared. It feels like the biggest deadline of my life is approaching and I feel like I don’t know what I’m going to do with a newborn, I haven’t done this in over nine years, and it feels like I forgot how to do everything. Now instead of being in the Army, I am in college. I went from being a mom of one to three boys in an instant with my wonderful stepsons and now, because of a virus, we are going to have a beautiful baby girl as well.
Life always seems to be throwing curveballs my way. Everything that has changed or altered my path in the world, I choose to believe that its for a reason something that I am strong enough to overcome whatever happens. Chasing my dreams and attempting to be over prepared is my way of getting ahead. Taking the paths that will be scary at times is better than following avenues that don’t suit me anymore. Would rather follow what I’m interested in while I still have the chance. I want my children to know that they can go to college too, and find their own path and dreams as well.
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