Moving to a new city, and supposedly making a new start. The loan, electrictricity, internet, and trash now in my name. Yet, I still don't seem to receive any of the respect that should go along with these things. Instead, there still seems to be an imbalance of power. I keep trying to be what you seem to want, and continuing to fail spectacularly. Over ten years of tryinhg to be everything for anyone and everyone at once and disappearing in the process. How am I suppose to keep giving of myself when I don't know who that is anymore? How much more meat can be sliced from this lifeless carcass I've become. I never intended to give up, but maybe my heart hardened a bit at a time in the last ten or so years. Every negative comment, diss, or outright disrespect has slowly been hardening and numbing my heart against the pain. If it was so easy to forget, I would do it in a moment, yet not everyone has that luxury. Having issues or real problems apparently makes me weak in your eyes and maybe I should have known better. What joy does it bring someone to break another to the basest level. New beginnings or just new cycles or name calling and degradation, while continuing to take it. Maybe a sadist for letting it continue, yet starting to wonder if its just all fact and i should just accept the fact. Some are too broken to just jump back.
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