A Day In My Life

Being over seven months pregnant now, sleep seems to be a thing of the past.All of it seems to elude me, getting to sleep, staying asleep, or simply not having crazy nightmares to top it off. Yet, life goes on, kids have to go trick or treating even though Halloween was on a Sunday this year. school for them and myself, trying to find a way to stay on top of everything without focusing on being exhausted or what else I should be doing instead. Once kids are on the bus and I have walked the dogs, I will either start by doing some cleaning or starting on an upcoming assignment, depending on which needs more priority that day. I will set alarms to remind myself to eat regularly and hydrate, do assignments or if I need to watch videos I will cast them to my television to watch or listen to while I begin cleaning and attempting to prepare for a new baby in a house with three boys on the rampage after school and on weekends. Then I will take a break to pick them up from the bus stop and run any errands that need done. Then, cleaning or homework again until it is time to cook dinner, and then I try to spend time with my kids, or every once in a while I will play little fortnite.

My anxiety has been worse than usual lately, not being able to take anti anxiety medication or antidepressants has been one of the hardest things to adjust to. As someone who struggles with PTSD, depression and anxiety, it has been increasingly hard to find coping mechanisms that help in the face of so much uncertainty. After two of my brothers and now unfortunately my mother contracting Covid, feels like nothing has changed or gotten better since the outbreak in 2019.

Calming videos and meditations are nothing compared to all of the things that worry me when I am supposed to be happy and preparing for my daughter. It feels somehow scarier to be bringing a child into the world we are living in. When it seems like people are turning on one another every day, covid cases on the rise again in some states, prop guns killing innocent people, and all the negativity weigh on me. I wish we didn't live in a culture that sometimes celebrates cancelling or shutting others down.